Yes, it’s coming soon. Back on February 7th of this year, I wrote a post that claimed that with the ending of Super Bowl XLII, thus began the longest seven months of the year for me. Well rejoice, eager fans, for football has arrived yet again, as it promised it would. For a football fan, the days preceding football season are the equivalent of the days preceding Christmas for a five-year-old (except that for a football fan, their Christmas is five months long, and has a Christmas in it).
And like that eager five-year-old might spend the days prior to Christmas guessing what joys Santa might bring him on Christmas morn’, I have compiled a handful of predictions as to what the gods of the gridiron might bring me in the next five months. Most prognostications are rather bold, some not so much, and it’ll be up to you to determine which of the following fit into each of those categories. And since I am posting this onto the world-wide interweb, and that makes it permanent, I will return at the end of the coming season to rate my predictions for their relative truthiness (though no. 13 will take more than just this season to come true).
1. Tom Brady will not lead the league in touchdown passes, nor will the New England Patriots have the top-ranked offense in the league in scoring or total yards.
2. The Patriots will rank outside the top 12 in pass defense, but will still win at least 11 games.
3. Donovan McNabb will start 16 games this season for the Eagles. Asante Samuel will not.
4. The New York Jets, who ranked 26th last year, will rank in the top 15 in total offense this year. Thomas Jones will have 1,300 yards, and the Jets will be in the playoff race until the last two weeks of the season. Brett Favre will start all 16 games, and come back for the 2009 season.
5. Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers will win at least 9 games, and sweep the Bears for the first time since 2003.
6. Marion Barber will make Dallas Cowboy fans forget how excited they were about Felix Jones. Jones will finish with under 500 yards and 5 touchdowns.
7. Matt Ryan will do exactly what every other rookie starting quarterback does: struggle. Michael Turner will have about three games where he looks superhuman, and thirteen games where he looks average. The Falcons win no more than four games.
8. Chad Pennington will improve the Miami Dolphins threefold. Meaning they’ll win three games instead of one.
9. The Minnesota Vikings will be .500 at best, and miss the playoffs. (Shocked? Think about this: Remember who the trendy preseason playoff pick was from last year? Anyone? The San Francisco 49ers. Everyone said Patrick Willis was a beast, and the Niners would surprise everyone. They went 5-11.)
10. The Patriots will lose the first playoff game they play.
11. Jason Campbell will pass for over 3,000 yards, and still be ignored.
12. The Cincinnati Bengals will finish at .500 and miss the playoffs only because of the difficulty of their division. Chad Javon Ocho Cinco will have a career year while wearing a shoulder brace all season long.
13. The Dallas Cowboys will NOT be in the Super Bowl. Wade Phillips will be fired, and Jason Garrett will be the coach of the 2009 Dallas Cowboys, who will also miss the Super Bowl.
14. J.T. O’Sullivan will be no better a quarterback than Alex Smith. After this season, (if they don’t already) Niner fans will be wishing their team had used their number one pick on Aaron Rodgers.
15. The NFC West will not be decided until the week seventeen game between Seattle and Arizona, and Arizona will win.
16. Matt Leinart will not start a single game for the Arizona Cardinals.
17. The worst record in the AFC South will be 8-8. Again.
18. The Super Bowl Champion New York Giants will end the season dead last in the NFC East.
19. The Oakland Raiders, despite Al Davis’ best efforts and ridiculous spending, still won’t break 5 wins.
20. During the regular season, the Jacksonville Jaguars will lose twice to the Indianapolis Colts, then will reach the AFC title game, where they will lose to them again.
21. Darren McFadden will not win the Rookie of the Year award.
22. Adrian Peterson will not win the league MVP award.
23. Peyton Manning will.
24. The universe will return to normal, and an AFC team will win the Super Bowl. More specifically, the Indianapolis Colts will win, and this, not Super Bowl XLI, will be Peyton Manning’s career-defining performance.
…so, whaddaya say? Am I nuts? Who cares. It’s Christmas!
Life Out Of The Bubble 
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