05
Feb
08

Dear Mitt…

This is just a quick post, so don’t get too excited yet. I’ll talk about the Super Bowl later, in case you’re interested. This is about something else.

Today is Super Tuesday, a title I’m sure is given to a day full of political primaries just so the people in charge of them can feel like a superhero at least once every four years. That being said, we all know that there are plenty of candidates out there doing plenty of things to get you to vote for them, as will be the case from now until November. One such thing has left me especially peeved.

It seems that former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney has somehow gotten my cell phone number, and the dude won’t stop calling me. He’s called me, he’s had his wife call me, he’s had his campaign manager call me, it’s ridiculous. All told Romney’s been calling me about once a day for the past four days (sometimes more), leaving me long, winded messages each time telling me how great he is and how he deserves my vote. The problem is, he’s calling from a restricted number, and never leaves a number to call back (terrible phone etiquette, Mitt…) so I can’t tell him what I think, which is probably good for Mitt. So I’m assuming that since he has my phone number and wishes to invest in my personal private life, he probably reads this site too, and so this message is intended for you, Mittster:

“Hey Mitt, it’s Andy, sorry I missed all five of your calls. First off, might I say that your persistence, if nothing else, is quite impressive. Five calls in four days? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had a middle school crush on me, which I sure hope isn’t the case. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that while I am impressed with your determination, I’d rather you back the heck off and quit calling me, especially on a Sunday, and ESPECIALLY an hour before the Super Bowl. Being from Massachusetts, I’d imagine you’d understand the importance and faux-sacred nature of the Super Bowl to most Americans, but apparently you don’t, which doesn’t bode well for my opinion of your ability to judge what’s truly important to the citizens of this nation. Also, just a hint, but I doubt (or at least hope) there’s nobody out there on the ‘voter fence’ who’s going to decide to vote for you just because you used a machine that sends recorded greetings of yourself and your family to people’s personal cell phones, using up their valuable air time minutes while you ride all over the country in your cushy Romneymobile. So if you’d like to actually call and talk to me in an open-ended conversation, I’d be open to that, (and would be shockingly impressed) but let’s put an end to the one-sided recorded messages, okay Mitty? It’s a waste of your time and campaign funds, as far as I’m concerned. Talk to you later, maybe.”

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