OMG! You’re SOO Gonna Love This Place!

There’s a reason I’ve spent the last few days as far away from my apartment as I can get. It’s orientation weekend at APU, and I live across the street. People are coming back, freshman are moving in—I can barely turn out of the apartment complex driveway without being near-sideswiped by a minivan filled with some middle class white Christian family and the mini fridge they just bought at Target.

Yesterday was perhaps worse, as it was day one. In all likelihood, it probably wasn’t two seconds after most freshman got out of the car before they were knocked on their ass and dry-humped by a swarm of Alpha leaders, while mom and dad looked on misty-eyed, thinking what a nice place this school was and how friendly the orientation staff is.

This has been the first of any year I’ve lived in Azusa where I haven’t had some involvement with Orientation week. The three years I wasn’t a freshman I helped volunteer with Team Transfer, and had a blast—one year I rode around with some friends on a quadricycle, only to have my picture taken and featured in the Orientation handbook the next year. So I’ve been there. I haven’t done the dry-humping, but I’ve got pretty close. I understand it, at least—APU is a friendly place, and new people should feel welcomed. But it’s only once you’re out of the bubble that you realize it may be a bit over the top.

Meanwhile, my apartment complex is filling up with all sorts of returning students, students that don’t need mommy and daddy to help move in, students that already own their own mini-fridge, and now are trying to pass it off on some unassuming freshman, because they’ve got a big-boy fridge now, where they can keep all their beer now that they live off-campus (sort of). Two weeks ago I could grab whatever Harry Potter book I was working on at the moment and head down to leisurely flip through a few chapters at the pool, but now it’s a meat market—from my kitchen table I can see just over the edge of the balcony at the bouncing… uh, blonde… heads, and the tan, shiny pecs that fill up my precious reading space. Driving by you can taste the potent mixture of tanning oil and Axe Body Spray that wafts through the air, polluted with playful giggles and splashes.

So here I am at the beginning of this little experiment, wondering where it will take me, and hoping I have a job through the majority of it, but for now, you can find me here, surrounded by—but not included in—the lovely bubble of APU. Now I’ve got to go close the window. You really can smell the body spray all the way from the kitchen.


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